The battles of bed-sharing....

For my first blog post, I thought long and hard about what I wanted to write about. After days of contemplating, and running into some frustrating issues, I finally picked my topic.

 I told myself a million things before I was ever pregnant. "I won't do this, I won't do that, I swear I will only do this, I won't be that parent." Then when I was pregnant, some of those statements changed and some didn't. "I will make my child sleep in his crib. I will only make my son's baby food. I refuse to let him cry it out. We will be on a set daily schedule and a routine." HAHAHA. Do these promises sound familiar? We all have this vision of how our perfect parenting world will take place, without a real clue of what actually might happen. Half of my visions went straight out the window after a week. I'm a firm believer that everyone parents differently and none of it is right or wrong. Just because something worked for you, or your mom, or your mom's-coworkers-neighbors-cousins-sisters-bestfriend, doesn't mean that same thing will work for everyone else you know. I think it's important to be open to others suggestions, and you never know, maybe something will work for you. But I don't believe in pushing your decisions on others and shunning them when they don't make the same decision that you have. 

When I was pregnant, Jake and I decided that once Easton was born, we really wanted to start him off in his crib. We wanted to build a good sleeping pattern, and we decided that going straight to the crib would do just that. Once he was born though, that whole concept went right out of the window. Aside from the fact that you are obsessed with your child when they're first born, and you're beyond paranoid that any and everything might happen to them, we were scared. My mother in law had a friend who lost her child to SIDS while she was sleeping. Since it touched close to home, we were always worried about this. Easton lasted five minutes in his crib and I walked over and checked on him at least 10 times during those five minutes. After that, he lasted another two hours in the bassinet right next to our bed, but neither of us slept and constantly kept rolling over and checking on him, not to mention we refused to shut the lights off because we wanted to make sure we saw his little pajamas raise from his breathing in his chest. After those long two hours, we moved him to a sleeper in the middle of us in our bed, and he has been there ever since. Easton has exclusively nursed since we left the hospital, and even now at one, he is just now getting adjusted with bottles. The fact that he nursed made it very easy for me to let him bed share. I was tired and exhausted at night and the last thing I wanted to do was get out of bed, nurse him, and take him back to bed. Our bed was warm and cozy in the winter nights, and getting up seemed like so much work when he could just sleep right next to us. Now, a year later, not much has changed. He just turned one this past Monday, but he still nurses. Mainly at night and for comfort, but he still nurses. My milk supply has slowly lowered, so he nurses for a little and then usually takes a full eight ounces of warm milk from a bottle. At night, he usually doesn't fight it and his full belly helps him sleep. He is a great sleeper, and will sleep all night long until morning, only waking a couple of times to nurse, or when he's sick or teething but those days are few and far in between. Jake and I have both grown to deal with the kicks in the gut and the little bed hog that sleeps with us. We've learned to handle the punching and jumping and eye-ball grabbing in the mornings when he wakes up first and wants everyone else to be up with him. I didn't say the whole ride was a walk in the park, because it hasn't been by any means. Not only are the nights where we don't get sleep, but it's affected our physical relationship as well. We've had to learn how to overcome our battles. But after it all, it's what we decided to do. It's worked for us.

I've had my fair share of people who love to voice their opinions about it. "You shouldn't let him sleep in bed with you, that's the worst habit to break. Oh I would NEVER do that. You're setting yourself up for one long battle later. Now that he's in there you will never get him out." The list of sarcastic and rude comments could go on forever. It shocks me how complete strangers, who are being nosey and listening to a conversation, even have the nerve to interrupt you and voice their opinions. What really gets me is how judgmental other moms can be. You're a mom, you know how hard it can be sometimes and the struggles, so why pass on more judgment to me and make me second guess my decisions as a parent? People are cold and harsh these days, and moms make the top of the list. If you don't do things "their way" then it's the wrong way. It makes me so very sad. As moms, we should come together, support one another, encourage each other when times are hard. You just don't see that much anymore though.

I guess, after having an annoying experience yesterday, this has sat heavily on my heart these last 24 hours. It's really made me think about how I talk with other moms, how I react to things, and the mom-friend that I want to be to others. Luckily I have a very supportive group of family and friends, so I can easily push others annoying comments off to the side and I can stand firm in my decisions as a parent. But just remember to be nice. You don't necessarily know what someone else is going through. You don't know that that mom just spent all night rocking her baby who wouldn't stop crying. Or the mom in the check out lane buying jared baby food because she ran out of ingredients at home to make her own and she doesn't have time today today to start the long process over again. You don't know what others are going through behind closed doors. Keep your minds more open and your harsh opinions more closed. Everyone deserves to be respected, and as a mom, you never want to experience that feeling of "second guessing" your decisions as a parent. Be kind. Be loving and understanding. Be the kind of mom friend you want for yourself!

xoxo,
Christine